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Date: July 10, 2003
The most outstanding quality of Thailand are the Thai women. The
reputation of the beautiful, compassionate, smiling Thai women that
embody all the classic feminine virtues, preceded my arrival as
far back as Europe. My flight attendants on Thai Air, Boonyaporn
and Sasiwimon, lived up to their country's reputation and the implications
of their names. I knew I was going to love Thailand, a country built
on the shoulders of men and the backs of women.
My old college buddy, Pete Schannen from Milwaukee, gave me a pep
talk when I arrive, "You're going to love Thailand. But there
is a couple things you need to know. First, you have to check that
when you are talking to a woman she really is a woman. Second, you
need to learn what type of woman. Is she a real Thai lady or is
she a bar girl or simply a prostitute. Remember what my dad says,
'Treat a lady like a lady and whore like a whore but never confuse
the two.'"
The women here are so beautiful, in part, because the whole population
is skewed to the feminine side. Many men are more beautiful than
the Western women. They are the "kathoey", the ladyboys,
from transvestites to transexuals to transgender, and according
to the lingo, this excludes gays and straights. How can a transexual
man not be either gay or straight, you are wondering. The idea is
that the kathoey are women that have been unfortunately born in
the bodies of men. Since it is a Buddhist country I am tempted to
say, "Better luck next lifetime." But because it is a
Buddhist country Thailand is an open-minded, accepting culture that,
in part, identity is a matter of preference not subjected to sterotypes
or criticism. In every culture I have visited the formal greeting
is translated as, "Hello, sir," or "Hello, ma'am."
In Thai, the translation is, "Hello, I am a man," or "Hello,
I am a woman." The person identifies their gender of
preference. (It took me weeks to figure this out and stop telling
everyone I was a woman.)
After years of living in San Francisco, the gay and lesbian capitol
of the world, I figured my gaydar was finely tuned. However, there
have been a couple of blitzkriegs that sneaked under my scopes.
I hope I am not incriminating myself too much by saying, the kathoey
can be so beautiful that it poses some interesting ethical dilemmas.
My gay housemates in SF used to say, "It's not a matter of
being gay or straight. Life is gray. It's a matter of being open-minded
and loving a person for who they are."
Pete and I would have a lot of conversations using idioms that
the English-speaking locals wouldn't understand. "We have an
unidentified boogey at three o'clock." "Roger that. I
have a visual. We have a sheep in wolf's clothing." "Let's
regroup in another sector." Or talking very fast, "Pete,doyouthinkthisisamanorwoman."
"Itdoesntmatter.Allshewantsismoneyyoushouldditchher."
American's might call this a genderly-challenged country. But,
America has it its own gender crisis. My friend Andy believes it
is skewed to the masculine side. I disagree. I think it used to
be split down the middle while being controled by men. The Feminist
Movement didn't make women equal to men or as the Thais might say,
"Same, same but different." It strived to give women the
equality and opportunity to be everything a man could be, but in
a country where it is illegal to call a fat person fat and feminine
is considered weak and masculine evil, we have ended up neutering
ourselves.
Maybe I am a bit old-fashioned or close-minded but I believe women
are women and men are men. And I happen to love athletic, smart,
funny, pretty, feminine women who are my equal but opposite. And,
Sure life is gray but if you disagree with me, try having a few
drinks with a kathoey.
* * *
An update on life in general:
I am in Udon Thani, a junky cross roads near Laos that sprang up
around a US military base during the Vietnam war and where it is
possible to buy all kinds of fake US Army supplies and grisly souviegners.
A monsoon shower is sweeping over the city. Usually, mid-afternoon
the storms start. First the winds knock all the dust and leaves
off the grounds and then a few minutes later big globs of rain slam
them back down. So far, the monsoons have been fairly predictable
and not nearly as fearsome as a Midwest thunderstorm which can pick
you up and drop you in the next county. My biggest problem is the
heat and humidity. I spent a day to disassemble my bicycle, scrap
off the rust and paint it flat black.
As for me, I have adapted fairly well. For awhile, I had prickly
heat rash and splitting headaches. Now, I stop every 10-15 kilometers
for a bowl of fish soup, chicken fried rice or fried noodles all
with an extra helping of salty, sardine sauce and drink a pitcher
of ice water. In Thailand, all the water and ice is filtered and
shipped to the restaurants. It is a relief not to have to filter
tepid tap water which turns into a steamy, soupy mold in my waterbottles.
I eat about 5 times a day not counting snacks of fried bananas,
mangosteen fruit (I can eat two kilos of this while I ride) or ice
cream cones and, of course, Coca-Cola. (I have a future email planned
for my love of Coca-Cola and McDonald's.) The key to the heat and
humidity is lots of water, salt and sugar.
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