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Date:
October 22, 2002
I am composing this atop the roof of my hostel in
Istanbul, Turkey. Moments ago, a thunderstorm scoured
the smog out of the atmosphere just before sunset.
Behind me, the atmosphere was orange and a double
rainbow spanned the sky and perfectly centered below
was a twinkling lighthouse. Ferrys shuttled back and
forth and beyond the Bosphorous Straight was Asia. In
front of me, the silhouette of Istanbul's most famous
monument, the Blue Mosque, hid the setting sun. Above
the mosque, hung a single neon-red cloud like a halo
and hundreds of seagulls circled the dome, perhaps
drawn, as I was, to some mystical energy.
These days it seems especially difficult to have faith
in God when science seems capable of explaining
everything. Rather than try to prove God's existence
--which, after extensive thought I have little more
than circumstantial evidence and hearsay, the flower
and the saint -- I thought it an interesting test to
try and prove why faith is necessary in God's equation
of man. In other words, if God really exists why would
it be essential for him to remain hidden. I suspect
this theme is not an original one, however, if I echo
others perhaps it serves as proof of a higher power
ingrained in our collective being.
First, you may be wondering why I am writing about
faith. I believe faith is closely related to my larger
theme and quest for love. It seems impossible to prove
love. For instance, I have had girlfriends that did
and said everything that one should do and say if they
are in love, however, I know they didn't love me. On
the contrary, I have had girlfriends who never said or
did anything right, yet I know they loved me. How can
you prove your father, mother, boyfriend, girlfriend,
cat or dog loves you? How do you prove you love
someone else? How do you prove you love yourself? Love
requires faith. So, back to my discussion of the
ultimate faith in regards to God.
Why couldn't God make himself know to each and
everyone of us? This question makes a common
assumption that God is omniscient and omnipresent
rather than a benign creative force. Perhaps, this
definition is in error. Is it necessarily so that if
one can imagine something that God can produce it?
Still, sticking with this assumption, why can't God
make quarterly, 'State of the Being called 'Scott'
Speaches'? Why can't He at least say, 'Yes, Scott, I
do exist; however, I can't explain anything to you
just yet, even if your pea-brain could understand'?
The answer is simply: I would think I had just gone
crazy. Perhaps if I were a caveman or pagan, I would
believe this entity to be God and I would be crapping
myself with thoughts of going to hell that I would go
to church on Sunday, sing 'Hail Mary' and 'Praise the
Lord', I'd shave my head and walk around airports and
bus stations handing out flowers, and I'd even die
myself red and chant 'God is great. There is no God
but Allah and Mohammed is His prophet' (for reasons I
haven't discovered yet people do this here in
Istanbul). However, this being could just be a
spaceman with grandiose knowledge and technology. Now,
being more of a spaceman, myself, -- where technology
is already mysterious and magical -- I would be
suspect of any being calling itself 'God' or
performing 'miracles'.
What if God did create humans with faith intact, or as
in Janis Joplin's song, he bought us all a
Mercedes-Benz? I believe, like Germany during the post
World Wars, printing money that wasn't backed by gold,
an unlimited supply of faith would turn humankind into
religious puppets and bankrupt our souls. How boring
life would be if we had everything we ever wanted! The
evolution of the soul would be stilted; our time on
earth pointless. As Victor Frankl, a psychologist and
survivor of the Nazi concentration camps, suggested,
their is meaning in suffering.
Like forging metal in a furnace until it is white hot,
my suffering, resulting from my freedom, will burn out
my impurities until my spirit, when removed from the
furnace of my body, will have the strength of steel.
In summary, you can rationalize life to death until
you are crippled with neurosis. Do you have the faith
to believe and love in yourself and God, or not? After
all, science can explain everything except where
everything came from.
Crazy Steel Rabbit
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